1. Dirty Hippies

The Thai word for them translates directly as “bird shit foreigners”. You know who they are. For some reason Canadians are overrepresented among them but you’ll also find Europeans and Americans in this category. They dress like shit, smell like shit, and probably think they’re better than you because they’re so environmentally friendly, they eat their own shit

2. Dirty Old Men

You see a lot of these in poor countries. They’re there for cheap hookers. That’s it. Anglos and Germans are overrepresented here. For some reason, the number of Germans seem to dwindle when you actually go to a place where you can find cute girls.

3. Douchebags

Either in undergrad or just finished it, usually American but many Australians too. They’re touring around Europe, pissing on the Leaning Tower of Pisa by day and getting shit faced by night. They believe this experience makes them worldly.

4. Families

Boring. They’re only on the list for completeness.

5. Businessmen

Just trying to make the most of the 4 days they have in the random city they’ve been sent to this week. I like these the most. Maybe it’s because I’m aiming for a career that will keep me traveling for business, maybe it’s because they’re not dirty like the hippies, sketchy like the old guys or fucking douchebags. This is also the group most people think I belong to, probably for the same reasons most people think I’m getting my MBA.

6. Lost Souls

I’m only creating this category because I belong to it and I know of others that fit it as well, but I can’t say I’ve come across a lot of these while traveling. We’re having some kind of existential crisis and running away from the ennui of life back home. We’re not really sure what we’re looking for. You’re more likely to find us in Managua than Milan.

7. Comments

There’s something missing from this list. I spend a lot of my travelling time trying to avoid my fellow Brit. They’re close to the Douchebag category, but often well beyond school and still travelling abroad to get horrendously drunk and vomit all over the locals… How could I forget the British assholes?! Especially since I’m in Cyprus. You guys probably have the worst reputation of any tourists. As far as the different nationalities go, I find Latin Americans and the French to be the most polite tourists.